Friday, 13 November 2009

Bananagate

These are not the bananas I'm looking for.











The ones I'm looking for were in focus, for one thing. No, these are a new purchase, in order to address the mystery banana-deficit which recently occurred - and which has yet to be solved.

And (as well as starting a sentence with such a word) I ask again the question (only this time with swearwords as a necessary intensifier):

HOW THE SHITTING CRIKEY CAN YOU LOSE A BUNCH OF BANANAS?

In bold type, as well.

17 comments:

Anna MR said...

Hush, housut. Help is at hand. You didn't, in fact, lose the bananas. No. They were special bananas, built with a homing device, which was set off with a time-release valve-device (that's not one but two devices you're dealing with, poor you). They are now on their merry way back to sunny Costa Rica. The viciously cruel men in the banana marketing business do this sometimes, not because it would raise their profit rates or the general consumption of bananas (although lo, you did purchase more bananas, did you not?), or any other such reason. No. They add these devices to a random bunch here and there, just because they can, and because it delights their cruel hearts to think of the woes of the poor consumer at the butt end of their undergraduate humour of cruel (that's two lots of cruel you have to deal with, poor you.)

Alternatively, you just left them at the shop. It happens.

Either way, the best way to deal with the loss is the one you've already intuitively adopted: swear. Lots. In bold.

x

Zhoen said...

Did you leave them at the store? Hopefully not in the car.

Are you sure the bananas aren't using a jedi mind trick, only telling you that these are not the bananas you are looking for?

Sophia said...

hhahaa... you make me laugh on a day I still don't feel well and struggling to get through the day. :)

trousers said...

Oh thank you, Ms Mr, now there's a theory I shall entertain. I wonder though, how - homing device and time-release valve-device notwithstanding (whatever that means) - do they make their way back to Costa Rica? Is there...I dunno...a banana plane that they fly on, or something? Next time I shall be prepared - I am now in the process of liaising with special agents out there (namely, cunningly-disguised pineapples) in order to give me advance warnings of such goings-on, and also because pineapples are known (at least amongst such esoteric circles as you and I may have awareness of) for their uncanny ability to repel bananas back from where they came from, and over to where they were sent to.

Either that or it's time for a longlie down: or, yes, I left them at the shop or something like that.

Zhoen, if I left them in the car then this is getting more hideously complicated than I would like to imagine - for the simple fact that I don't own a car. Granted, you weren't to know that, but nothing appears straightforward right now (see above). And yes, the Jedi-trick possibility has not escaped my attention. It conjures up some delightful (if not a little bizarre) images :)

Sophia, I'm glad to have done so! I hope the weekend proves to be restful, and with struggle reduced a minimum :)

trousers said...

...whatever a "longlie down" is..

Anna MR said...

Longlie Down: n. geog. A lowland area just outside Chichester. Known amongst the esoteric circles for the extended periods of drowsiness and/or sleep induced by prolonged exposure.

(Banana plane? Don't be silly, housut. They spread their wings and fly, quite unaided.)

lakeviewer said...

You still haven't found the bananas? They must be invisible.

trousers said...

Haha, can you believe that (after a couple of glasses of wine) I did a quick google search for Longlie Down just to see if such a place might exist, Ms Mr? I may have otherwise lain awake in bed wondering, and that would have been just too ironic for my own (or anyone else's) good.

It sounds like a good place to visit though - perhaps flying bananas are the ideal mode of transport..

Perhaps, lakeviewer - or they've become antimatter (antibananas, if you will, or even if you won't. Or all three). If that's the case I hope that the antibananas don't come into contact with the actual bananas shown in the photograph, otherwise it could go badly for all of us.

Anna MR said...

Well? Christ Almighty, housut, now you're withholding the information (gained during your google excesses) of the existence (or antiexistence, since we're onto quantum physics) of Longlie Down. You would have me rolling about at 3AM, awake, unable to sleep, troubled by the worthlessness of my efforts in life and the exact longitudinal location (or otherwise) of Longlie Down.

And here I was, thinking we were friends. Tsk.

x

zola a social thing said...

Trousers : How can you ignore the damned plasic bag?

zola a social thing said...

That might read better with a "plastic" rather than the original.

OK, I know, I get no bananas...

Zhoen said...

trousers,
Good for you for not having a car. It's just that I have been known to forget I'd shopped on the way home, and left groceries in the car. Never long enough to have any perishables go bad.

Vanishing Bananas, Batman!

trousers said...

But Ms Mr, you are clearly the most prominent and useful source of such information, particularly when compared to google - mere google, which couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me anything of which you hadn't already informed.

*sigh* the very notion that I would put you through such torment...

zola, there's a difference between ignoring and not making direct reference to. Erm, isn't there? I don't know any more...
But go on, 'ave a banana.

Zhoen, I think the thing is that leaving or forgetting something is a rarity for me (I see what you're saying about leaving something in the car though, I can see how that would happen) - hence all my weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth :)

Anna arrives, bearing map said...

Oh for heavens' sakes, housut. Here it is then - the map showing the exact location of the famed Longlie Downs. It is, precisely as I said, situated just outside Chichester. In fact, to be totally specific, just north of Singleton and south of Cocking. Verily. As you can see for yourself, if (and indeed, and as I hope, when) you click upon my link.

The word verification here is worko. Which is what I've been both doing and avoiding doing, whilst bringing you this all-important device for orienteering your way through your life.

x

Workoholic said...

Just proving what I just said. So there.

trousers said...

Now that's just over and above the call of duty. And it didn't half make me smile :)

x

Anna MR said...

Hurrah.