Three and nine doesn't equal twelve

For several years I didn't really celebrate my birthday, except in the most perfunctory of ways - a day or two back at my mum's, the opening of a few presents and so on. I suppose part of it was the attitude of not wanting to make a fuss, and whatever was informing that.

Throughout my twenties it was easy enough to celebrate anyway without making any kind of fuss: it was just a case of, as with everyone else's birthdays, heading down the pub and, er, that was it. But a few years after that, and when the regular crowd had dissipated somewhat, then a certain amount of effort and planning had to be undertaken just to get more than a handful of people in the same room/pub/cinema.

I think part of me really couldn't be bothered with making all that effort (which wasn't exactly that much effort in itself), but I wonder if some of it was about feeling somehow unworthy, or at least uncomfortable with such attention being placed on me. And then I'd invariably feel flat for not having really done anything to celebrate.

I became dissatisfied with this state of affairs, and so made sure that my friends and I at least went to the cinema, or went for a curry and then for drinks - the first couple of years of doing this, I was almost hilariously tense, and more than a little relieved when it was all over. Whether I was worried about making an idiot of myself, or just wanting the event to pass and to just be ok, I'm not sure.

Well I got used to it anyway.

This year I've already done some celebrating, I went out with Fire Byrd (it was her birthday late last week) and Queen Vixen at the weekend, for a marvellous night of curry, a few drinks and some fantastic conversation. They proved once again to be more than genial company. In fact I could converse with them candidly about many things which I would find difficult to talk about with non-blogging friends I've known for years.

Today I'm heading out with friends for lunch at a pub out in the countryside, and I feel very relaxed about the prospect. All being well there should be around ten of us, but I don't feel any pressure to do anything other than just enjoy being there.

I've got the week off work, too, and I'll be spending a couple of days away in the middle of the week.

I can hear the birds singing, and the sun is doing its best to make an appearance.

So, Happy Birthday me.