Sunday, 14 November 2010

Thank goodness for soft furnishings

It happened rather more quickly than I expected. Falling apart, that is. It happened yesterday afternoon.

I'd been for a bike ride, and for a while after that I felt a mixture of contentment and tiredness. I relaxed.

Well, I thought I relaxed. The tiredness took a greater hold and the contented feeling was replaced by agitation and unease and a whole bundle of dark, rather stressy thoughts. I tried to distract myself with a few things: a couple of programmes on iPlayer, a few small tasks here and there, but this thing really had me in its grip.

All this on a fine, clear Saturday afternoon with a whole week away from work (and, as of tomorrow, away from these shores) ahead of me. It was frustrating as much as anything, wanting to let go of it all but not being able to.

I knew I was probably dehydrated from the bike ride, and the water I drank took the edge off it a little bit, but I still wasn't ok. I was trying to dismiss the stressy stuff - none of it was anything that I could act upon or make any kind of difference to - but it wouldn't go away.

After another hour or so it felt just a little less intense. I decided I would treat myself, and went to the local curry house for a takeaway. Starter and main course.

Once home I realised just how incredibly hungry I was. I put the starter and the dips onto a plate and swiftly sat down and tucked in. Little pause between that and the main course. Wolfing it down like there was no tomorrow.

I felt tired again, but more of a pleasant, calm tiredness. With it came a steady easing of the stress, and a return of a sense of perspective and rationality: I was ok again, much more settled at last. I now feel like I can look forward to the week ahead, and make the most of it.

Maybe I needed to go through that mini-meltdown to come out the other side. Shed some work-related shite. Now it's time to properly relax and (gasp) enjoy myself.


Zhoen said...

We all have our moments. Deep breath, another one, keep on doing that.

nmj said...

Sounds like you need a break, Trews! Have a great trip! Where are you going? N

trousers said...

Zhoen, in a way, I think I needed (as opposed to wanted) this moment. Hopefully it was a bit of a purge more than anything. I'm pretty good at managing these things overall, but I was taken aback by this at first.

nmj, damn right! Long overdue it is, it's weird changing to a different mode, but I feel like I'm at least starting to shed 6 - 7 months worth of shite. I'm going to Krakow - a lovely city, and I have lovely friends there.

Reading the Signs said...

Krakow is lovely! Take care of blood sugar levels - and have some pierogi for me :)

trousers said...

Signs, I'll have to have pierogi next time :)