Saturday, 30 May 2009

My bête noire/ Salvaging the weekend

My bête noire is something I've posted about before - the sheer drop. I was there again at High Tor today on a blisteringly hot afternoon, and got a little closer to the edge. I think I did anyway, I felt like I was daring without being cavalier. Some lads were nearby drinking beer and generally relaxing and looking blasé - I walked as close to the edge as it felt safe to do so, took the following footage, and stepped back.

I turned to them, and said, Would you believe I was shitting myself when I was stood there? - and they all said they'd gone no closer than I had, that it scared the hell out of them too.

It's not that I want to put myself in any danger, I just don't want to be limited by such fears. I wonder if the sense of the sheer drop is even hinted at in the footage I've posted?

The fact that I was working for a short while this morning, as mentioned in the previous post - and will be doing so again tomorrow - has, I think, worked in my favour in a way. I had a sense beforehand that this would be a wasted weekend, that I wouldn't feel able to do much or to unwind, since I knew I would be working both mornings and that everything would be anchored around that.

What I've done, actually, is aim to absolutely make the most of the weekend, to ensure that it is in no way defined by these little pockets of work that I'm doing. Thus, as soon as I finished my work this morning I was into town and on the train out of there, to go for a walk in beautiful countryside for a few hours, followed by meeting friends for food and drink later. Come tomorrow, following the morning's initial travails, I intend to keep myself similarly active: I already feel as though I've salvaged more than enough to make this weekend a most enjoyable one.


Merkin said...

I watched Spartacus on TV earlier this evening, so naturaly I ended up here.

View from a Tor gave a slight hint for me but no more than that.
It can't possibly - I am acrophobic after an experience in my mid-twenties.

I would just have been flying off the edge like a Talking Heads song.

Zhoen said...

I have no fear of heights, as long as my feet feel secure. But I get panicked at the threat of falling, even a few inches. My feet, perhaps, have a fear of missteps.

Fire Byrd said...

Well that settles that then about where we're walking next week. I'd been wondering and now I know!!
Be prepared for a bit of a thrill!!
word ver: dizin about sums it up!!

trousers said...

Hi merk, yes it would probably be able to appreciate the scale of the drop if you'd been to the place in question...

It may be because it's Sunday morning, but I really can't bring to mind the Talking Heads song.

Hi Zhoen, I think I've managed to get my fear of heights much more under control, and I think part of that is to trust that I'm in control of my responses. I think part of it for me is about balance as it is about my feet feeling secure.

Fire Byrd, may I say you've got me a little worried?

Merkin said...

Maybe I was being a bit EARLY Sunday Morning in remembering the video for 'And She Was'.

And she was lying in the grass
And she could hear the highway breathing
And she could see a nearby factory
Shes making sure she is not dreaming
See the lights of a neighbors house
Now shes starting to rise
Take a minute to concentrate
And she opens up her eyes

The world was moving and she was right there with it (and she was)
The world was moving she was floating above it (and she was) and she was

And she was drifting through the backyard
And she was taking off her dress
And she was moving very slowly
Rising up above the earth
Moving into the universe
Drifting this way and that
Not touching ground at all
Up above the yard


She was glad about it... no doubt about it
She isnt sure where shes gone
No time to think about what to tell them
No time to think about what shes done
And she was

And she was looking at herself
And things were looking like a movie
She had a pleasant elevation
Shes moving out in all directions


Joining the world of missing persons (and she was)
Missing enough to feel alright (and she was)

Merkin said...

Better if you see the vid.

trousers said...

Ah yes, merk, the song itself is familiar enough, but not the words or the video: I'll check it out. I'm much more au fait with their late 70s albums, though I do love Road To Nowhere.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't watch that, I got vertigo. Really, I mean it. I've been getting that a lot recently.

trousers said...

I'm caught between apologising, zhisou, and feeling a sense of satisfaction that the clip had the effect that it had!