Thursday, 17 March 2011

Waking up

In fact, while I'm on the subject of alcohol, here's something I wrote (as part of a barely audible monologue for a piece of related music) while I was in the middle of the difficulties I refer to in the previous post. I make no claims for any kind of facility with words, it might read really badly (which is fine by me), but it did seem to sum up where I was at.

Drunk again
Spitting/pissing blood
Blind to my own thoughts: blank
Bruises sustained in ways unexplained

Clothes stained
(must have eaten, fallen or worse)
Some things are lost (like whole sections of time spent)

A case of memory versus imagination
Panic at something which triggers off the merest suggestion:
A balance between what might have been/what I'm capable of;
What other people might have seen

What's the worst thing I could be guilty of (there are no signs of anything telling)?

Plenty of unturned stones ready and waiting,
Once the pain has eased and thirst has been sated

The first moments of realisation, the opening lines of a little eternity:
Nameless and shapeless, yet capable of harm more than anything else

The smallest thought, the slightest suggestion
The merest aside, the darkest elation

6 comments:

Zhoen said...

Illuminating.

I think about the drunks on the various cop/jail shows (no I'm not proud of watching them) and what will be going through their heads in the morning.

Carol said...

I love the fact that your writing conveys a mood. I'm sure everyone reading that can find something contained within it that they can relate to....I certainly can!

C x

zhisou said...

I'd like to hear the music behind it - can we hear your music anywhere?

trousers said...

Zhoen, I think the worst of it was what would be going through my head in the morning, than anything I'd actually done. Not a nice place to be though, and I never like to see someone as drunk as that, for what they'll be suffering the day after.

Carol, thank you :)

Zhisou, I'm not even sure I've got a complete version of the track in question any more, I'm afraid. I'm hoping to post more recent//current ones on here though, when they're at a more advanced stage of completion. Lots of things underway, but they're all over the place at the moment..

Leigh said...

I love the line about memory versus imagination: I've never been so drunk I can't remember what happened, but there've been times when my memory's been fogged enough to prevent retrieve the exact details. Sometimes, those details have been important, and the loss of them frustrating/upsetting/worrying.

Thanks for the post.

trousers said...

Leigh, thank you.